(Colossians 4:6; Proverbs 15:1; Galatians 6:2) As adults, we have to stop trivializing the concerns and anxieties of young people. It doesn’t matter if you’re tough, and what they’re going through doesn’t seem like a big deal to you. If it’s a big deal to THEM, it’s a big deal.
Kids aren’t just ‘little adults’. And they don’t have decades of experiences to draw from, to help them gage what’s major, and what’s minor. So when your child’s first little girlfriend or boyfriend breaks up with them, or they face rejection or disappointment for the first time because they didn’t make the team- it might seem like the end if the world. Don’t amplify their trauma by making them feel like their emotions are invalid. But meet them where they are emotionally. Let them know you understand, and you’re here for them.
But whatever you do, don’t tell them to suck it up, or get over it. Stop teaching young men that they’re weak if they cry, or that they’re soft, if they need to talk to someone about how they’re feeling. That stuff just leads to unnecessarily isolated teenagers, and emotionally underdeveloped adults.
But if you let them know they matter, and what they’re feeling is valid, for one- you’ll earn their trust. The LAST thing you want is a kid who’s scared to talk to you when they’re hurting. Because when a real crisis comes, you’ll never know about it. And you’ll be blindsided.
But also, by being supportive, and giving them room to express their sadness- you’ll teach them how to process- and to work through their feelings, instead of suppressing them. So many adults are emotionally stunted, can’t talk through their anxieties and are quietly battling all kinds of mental and emotional anguish, because in their youth, adults silenced them, and told them to just ‘toughen up’. And the only reason THOSE adults treated them that way, was because they themselves, were emotionally under-developed. And instead of wiping away the child’s tears, simply threatened to ‘give them something to cry about.’
It’s time to break that cycle. Teen suicides are at an all time high. And mental health has become a buzzword, because so many adults are fractured emotionally. If we as adults- can barely handle all life throws at us, we should absolutely stop visiting those problems on our children. Kids need grace too.
The Ministry Journal Of Rev. Evan E. Newman 